{"id":112035,"date":"2023-04-12T10:24:22","date_gmt":"2023-04-12T10:24:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/websitedesigns.com.au\/elankanew\/?p=112035"},"modified":"2023-04-12T10:24:22","modified_gmt":"2023-04-12T10:24:22","slug":"sardonic-satire-by-des-kelly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/websitedesigns.com.au\/elankanew\/sardonic-satire-by-des-kelly\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;SARDONIC-SATIRE&#8221; \u2013 by Des Kelly"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2 style=\"font-weight: 400; text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #800000;\"><strong>&#8220;SARDONIC-SATIRE&#8221; \u2013 by Des Kelly<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/yfsmmk93H3I\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\">With due thanks to Ralph Baker, here is something different in the Wit &amp; Wisdom area, to make you smile again, even though you are also growing old, like the rest of us. Please enjoy &amp; watch this again, even if you have already seen it thrice. Remember, a smile exercises every muscle in your face and makes you look younger.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><em><strong><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-75796\" src=\"https:\/\/websitedesigns.com.au\/elankanew\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Desmond-Kelly-2.jpg\" alt=\"Desmond-Kelly\" width=\"125\" height=\"178\" \/>\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><em><strong><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\">Desmond Kelly. (Mr.Music)<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><em><strong><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\">(Editor-in-Chief).\u00a0 e&#8217;Lanka.<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px; color: #800000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">\u00a0<\/span><strong><u><span lang=\"EN-CA\">Sardonic Senior Pearls of Wisdom:<\/span><\/u><\/strong><\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/h3>\n<p><span lang=\"EN-CA\">\u00a0<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">I&#8217;ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">I&#8217;m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there&#8217;s a new strain out there.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">It&#8217;s not my age that bothers me; it&#8217;s the side effects.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">I&#8217;m not saying I&#8217;m old and worn out, but I make sure I&#8217;m nowhere near the curb on trash day.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I&#8217;m sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">Me, sobbing: &#8220;I can&#8217;t see you anymore. . . . I&#8217;m not going to let you hurt me again.&#8221;<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">My Trainer: &#8220;It was just one sit-up.&#8221;<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">As I&#8217;ve gotten older, people think I&#8217;ve become lazy. The truth is I&#8217;m just being more energy efficient.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">I haven&#8217;t gotten anything done today. I&#8217;ve been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">Turns out that being a &#8220;senior&#8221; is mostly just googling how to do stuff.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round. . . and laughed and laughed and laughed.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">I&#8217;m on two diets. I wasn&#8217;t getting enough food on one.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that&#8217;s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation &#8220;Maybe next time&#8221; isn&#8217;t the correct response.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\">Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you&#8217;re still a dumbass.<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-size: 16px; color: #000000;\">There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;SARDONIC-SATIRE&#8221; \u2013 by Des Kelly With due thanks to Ralph Baker, here is something different in the Wit &amp; Wisdom area, to make you smile again, even though you are also growing old, like the rest of us. Please enjoy &amp; watch this again, even if you have already seen it thrice. Remember, a smile [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":112036,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,1104],"tags":[52266],"class_list":{"0":"post-112035","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-aside","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-articles","8":"category-desmond-kelly","9":"tag-sardonic-satire","10":"post_format-post-format-aside"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.7.1 (Yoast SEO v25.9) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>&quot;SARDONIC-SATIRE&quot; \u2013 by Des Kelly - eLanka<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"&quot;SARDONIC-SATIRE&quot; \u2013 by Des Kelly With due thanks to Ralph Baker, here is something different in the Wit &amp; Wisdom area, to make\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"&quot;SARDONIC-SATIRE&quot; 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