{"id":37854,"date":"2019-08-14T07:41:05","date_gmt":"2019-08-14T07:41:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/websitedesigns.com.au\/elankanew\/?p=37854"},"modified":"2021-12-12T02:43:17","modified_gmt":"2021-12-12T02:43:17","slug":"dive-into-diller-by-des-kelly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/websitedesigns.com.au\/elankanew\/dive-into-diller-by-des-kelly\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;DIVE INTO DILLER&#8221; &#8211; By Des Kelly"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #99cc00;\"> &#8220;DIVE INTO DILLER&#8221; &#8211; By Des Kelly<\/span><\/h1>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/mH66_tFP8VA\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<div dir=\"auto\" style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 24px; color: #000000;\">She was born Phyllis Diver, in 1917 (July 17th)&amp; died, aged 95, on the\u00a0<span class=\"zm_inLnk\" data-value=\"2019-08-20 07:30:00\">20th August<\/span>, 2012, becoming better known to her public as Phyllis Diller, a Comedienne of no mean repute, she entertained thousands of people with a natural ability that only a few Comedians possessed. &#8220;Stand-up&#8221; Comedy is one of the most difficult forms if this type of entertainment, as any &#8220;Comic&#8221; will tell you, but I watched Phyllis (years ago), walk onto a stage and have her audience in the palm of her hand, within minutes.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<div dir=\"auto\" style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 24px; color: #000000;\">Purposely groomed, dishevelled hair, her &#8220;skits&#8221; somewhat raucous at times, she still managed to have some of her fans, at least, rolling in the aisles, so to speak.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<div dir=\"auto\" style=\"text-align: justify;\"><\/div>\n<div dir=\"auto\" style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 24px; color: #000000;\">\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0We do miss the Diller comedy, but I am proud to feature Phyllis on this special eLanka &#8220;show&#8221; with some of her comic &#8220;prose&#8221; throughout her career. Please enjoy.<\/span><\/div>\n<div dir=\"auto\"><\/div>\n<div dir=\"auto\"><img loading=\"lazy\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-29910 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/websitedesigns.com.au\/elankanew\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Desmond-Kelly-9.jpg\" alt=\"Desmond Kelly\" width=\"125\" height=\"178\" \/><\/div>\n<div dir=\"auto\"><\/div>\n<div dir=\"auto\">\n<div dir=\"auto\" style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: 24px; color: #000000;\">Desmond Kelly.<\/span><\/div>\n<div dir=\"auto\" style=\"text-align: center;\">\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 24px; color: #000000;\">(Editor-in-Chief)&#8211; eLanka.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<div dir=\"auto\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<h2 dir=\"auto\" style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: 24px; color: #ff0000;\"><em><strong>Whatever she may looks like marry a woman of your own age.<\/strong><\/em><span class=\"x_1847502477m_-4844356781888397116m_-3462416380045086205m-1732673702751758499m-2023090623011558742apple-converted-space\"> &#8211;<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: 24px; color: #000000;\"><em><strong>As her beauty fades, so will your eyesight&#8212;-<\/strong><\/em> <\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: 24px; color: #3366ff;\"><strong><em>Even though her nagging increases &#8211; -Phyllis Diller<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 24px; color: #000000;\"><strong><em>Housework can&#8217;t kill you, but why take a chance?<br \/>\n-Phyllis Diller<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 24px; color: #000000;\"><strong><em>Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.<br \/>\n-Phyllis Diller<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">The reason women don&#8217;t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">-Phyllis Diller<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">-Phyllis Diller<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">-Phyllis Diller<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">I want my children to have all the things I couldn&#8217;t afford.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\"><em>Then I want to move in with them.<\/em> <em><br \/>\n-Phyllis Diller<\/em><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">Most children threaten at times to run away from home.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\"><em>This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.<\/em><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\"><em>-Phyllis Diller<\/em> <\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\"><em>-Phyllis Diller<\/em> <\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">We spend the first twelve months of our children&#8217;s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">-Phyllis Diller<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">-Phyllis Diller<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">What I don&#8217;t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">-Phyllis Diller<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">-Phyllis Diller<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">-Phyllis Diller<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\"><em>-Phyllis Diller<\/em> <\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">My photographs don&#8217;t do me justice -they just look like me.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">-Phyllis Diller<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">Tranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle &#8211; keep away from children.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">-Phyllis Diller<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">I asked the waiter, &#8216;Is this milk fresh?&#8217;<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\"><em>He said, &#8216;Lady, three hours ago it was grass.&#8217;<\/em> <em><br \/>\n-Phyllis Diller<\/em><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can&#8217;t see him laughing.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">-Phyllis Diller<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">You know you&#8217;re old if they have discontinued your blood type.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 24px;\">-Phyllis Diller<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; &#8220;DIVE INTO DILLER&#8221; &#8211; By Des Kelly She was born Phyllis Diver, in 1917 (July 17th)&amp; died, aged 95, on the\u00a020th August, 2012, becoming better known to her public as Phyllis Diller, a Comedienne of no mean repute, she entertained thousands of people with a natural ability that only a few Comedians possessed. &#8220;Stand-up&#8221; [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":37858,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,1104],"tags":[8293,8292,7316],"class_list":{"0":"post-37854","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-aside","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-articles","8":"category-desmond-kelly","9":"tag-new-yorkers","10":"tag-office-christmas-parties","11":"tag-phyllis-diller","12":"post_format-post-format-aside"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.7.1 (Yoast SEO v25.9) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>&quot;DIVE INTO DILLER&quot; 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