{"id":67383,"date":"2021-06-20T12:16:17","date_gmt":"2021-06-20T12:16:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/websitedesigns.com.au\/elankanew\/?p=67383"},"modified":"2021-06-20T12:16:17","modified_gmt":"2021-06-20T12:16:17","slug":"mawkish-humour","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/websitedesigns.com.au\/elankanew\/mawkish-humour\/","title":{"rendered":"“MAWKISH HUMOUR”"},"content":{"rendered":"

“MAWKISH HUMOUR”<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0The reason why Jewish humour is “tops”, as Keith Bennett puts it. Please try it, and see. You will have to agree.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Desmond Kelly.<\/span>
\n(Editor-in-Chief) e’Lanka.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Well, I reckon it\u2019s safe to say that Yankee humour on a whole is pretty ordinary but then let\u2019s go back to that marvellous era when Jewish Comedians ruled with what were simply called their absolutely unbeatable \u201cONE \u2013 LINERS\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

WHILE JEWISH PEOPLE MAKE UP ABOUT 2% OF THE U.S. POPULATION, THERE WAS A TIME WHEN THEY MADE UP 50% OF THE FAMOUS COMEDIANS<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

You may remember the old Jewish Comics:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Shecky Greene, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Joey Bishop,\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Milton Berle, Jan Murray,\u00a0\u00a0Danny Kaye, Henny Youngman, Buddy Hackett, Sid Caesar, Groucho Marx, Jackie Mason, Woody Allen, Lenny Bruce, George Burns, Allan Sherman, Jerry Lewis, Carl Reiner, Shelley Berman, Gene Wilder, George Jessel, Alan King, Mel Brooks, Phil Silvers,\u00a0Jack Carter, Rodney Dangerfield, Don Rickles, Jack Benny, Sid Caesar,\u00a0\u00a0and so many others.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There was not one single swear word in their comedy.\u00a0\u00a0Here are a few examples:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* I just got back from a pleasure trip.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nI took my mother-in-law to the airport.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years!\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nIf my wife ever finds out, she’ll kill me!\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she’s making love?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\n“Honey, I’m home!”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nThe thief spends less than my wife did.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* We always hold hands.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nIf I let go, she shops.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nOnly this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nMy wife called it the Dead Sea.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* She was at the beauty shop for two hours.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nThat was only for the estimate.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nThen the mud fell off.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* The Doctor gave a man six months to live.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nThe man couldn’t pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, “Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nMrs. Cohen answered, “So did my arthritis!”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nPatient: “I am 60!”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nDoctor: “See! What did I tell you?”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears.”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nDoctor: “Don’t answer it!”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* A drunk was in front of a judge.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nThe judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nThe drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nThey’re worth it.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

* The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like\u00a0\u00a0Chinese food so much.\u00a0\u00a0The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>[this is my personal favorite!]<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

*There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nIn Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Q: Why don’t Jewish mothers drink?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nA: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.\u00a0\u00a0[Oh, this is excellent too.]<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nA: They never let anyone finish a sentence!\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A man called his mother in Florida, “Mom, how are you?”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\n“Not too good,” said the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nThe son said, “Why are you so weak?”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nShe said, “Because I haven’t eaten\u00a0in 38 days.”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nThe son said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten\u00a0in 38 days?”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nThe mother answered, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nShe asks, “What part is it?”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nThe boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nThe mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nA: (Sigh) “Don’t bother. I’ll sit in the dark. I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\n“Force yourself,” she replied.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nA: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\nA: Because Jewish women don’t like anything that isn’t 20% off.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“MAWKISH HUMOUR” \u00a0The reason why Jewish humour is “tops”, as Keith Bennett puts it. Please try it, and see. You will have to agree. \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Desmond Kelly. (Editor-in-Chief) e’Lanka.\u00a0 Well, I reckon it\u2019s safe to say that Yankee humour on a whole is pretty ordinary but then let\u2019s go back to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,1104],"tags":[35387],"class_list":{"0":"post-67383","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-aside","6":"category-articles","7":"category-desmond-kelly","8":"tag-shecky-greene","9":"post_format-post-format-aside"},"yoast_head":"\n"MAWKISH HUMOUR"<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Well, I reckon it\u2019s safe to say that Yankee humour on a whole is pretty ordinary but then let\u2019s go back to that marvellous\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" 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